Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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