Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
