God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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