I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
