a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
