So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
