he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
accomplished twins. life is a go
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
