i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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You need a sexual gate keeper
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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