She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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