He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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