Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
