exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
