woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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