i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
