She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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