can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
