When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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