yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
