we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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