All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
