Betty ford says i'm here all night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
