i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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