The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
