1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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