My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
