Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
