Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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