so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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