can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
