I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
