you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
