I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
