she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
