my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
