Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
