Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
