I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
