don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
