hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
