She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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