god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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