I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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