How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
