Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
