i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
