My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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