More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
