You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
