this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
