he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
