i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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