id be glad to
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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