Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
