if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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