Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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