ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
