I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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