Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize