Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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