It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
