The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
