I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
