if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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