meet me or not, i'm out of control
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
