where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
