It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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