I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
