You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
