That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
