he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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